a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
