just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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