never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
