Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
