kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
