Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
