Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
