she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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