I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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