dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
