Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
