We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
