also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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