Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
