you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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