the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
