then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
