I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
