I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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