I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
