When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A+ Viking dick
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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