Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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