You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
