Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
