i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
