So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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