Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
