whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
