if i died would you start the facebook group?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
