You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
