Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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