I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
