if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is wine microwaveable?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
