At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
