Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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