I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Non-Jews are for practice
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize