yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
