I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
