You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
