i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
