how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
