Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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