If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
