DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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