I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And then he peed in my hair
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