Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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