New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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