It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
