I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
