you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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