chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do vagina's smell?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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