So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
