it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
