its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
