Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize