dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
