dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
