first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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