I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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