Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
