I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
