but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
