she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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