I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
