her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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