You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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