You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize