Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
