do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
