never play flip cup with pint glasses
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
