Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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