All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
