I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize