We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
