at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize