sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
