today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
