and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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