Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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