Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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