Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize