I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
