hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
