PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
