I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you had me at cake vodka
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
