Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
