Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
