i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
