I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
