The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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