I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
