Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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