i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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